I always wondered as you do how I perceive the news and accept having a tumor?
A lot of people share with me how they are amazed with the way I handle it, to tell you the truth I say the same thing to myself – Schizophrenia huh? – Actually I don’t see it the way they do.
Well, let me think and write about it … I think I will need it to be documented for my rough days to help myself later on when nobody can do that for me:
At the beginning I don’t deny it at ALL how hard it is – even still hard to accept- , in every word the doctor says about my condition I purely hear it “you are going to die”, I try my best to catch-up as much as I can from these big news, however the way my doctor look at me sometimes i see it like a goodbye look – where the good in this?! - Though it can be neutral.
Usually after your visit, you are assigned homework to do (setting appointments, get your medicine, set your scans, or whatever you have to); most of the time I fail to do my homework coz simply I’m under a shock. - You may ask nobody can take this of your shoulder? Well, I always preferred to go alone, why? Well, I have my reasons I may talk about it later on-.
I can say the moment I leave the hospital, drive and reach my destination; I’m in a complete coma.
Slowly as per my consciousness yet it is quick if you want to measure it in time I put things on the track, faith always help, consultation, positive people who is around, and sometimes – in my case most of the time - lack of options take a lot of your shoulder and leave you with no other option so simply I say, OK.
So it’s not a magic, it’s a practice along with accumulated miserable issues that you will get used to.
For now, as I have these tumors that is even slowing me from writing what I write I asked myself to make peace with them. As I said the moment you know you will be shocked, then I start to find the fun out of it, at first I knew they were 2... OKAY mmm I don’t like you yet I will call them my twins. Later on in another doctor appointment I learned they are not 2 they are 3… Shit... What now? BARA3EM?
Trust me; life is silly… who would care how many tumors are in? As long as I feel no pain I don’t. How the bad cells can be different from the good ones out of MRI photo while I wasn’t feeling any pain? They have been in for long and were calm and nice to me, now I have to accept this fact -no matter how hard it is -, I'm left with no other choice.
So, Welcome in my unwelcomed guests.
God be with you ... and may the unwelcomed guests go away forever.
ReplyDeleteLove you and loved the post... such strong person you are!
I sit in silence, and out of the silliness of the this life and the absence of words, as little or as much comfort as they might provide, I cry... First, know that you are loved, our thoughts are with you, and our spirits are for your loan when you should need them (call it energy if you prefer). keep on fighting, as you are not fighting for yourself only - don't be selfish!! -, but for us too.
ReplyDeletePrayers are being sent that you`ll be OK again and free of the unwelcomed guests so soooon,Amen Amen Amen.
ReplyDeleteBlessed.
Liana
What do amaze me are your beautiful spirit and your sense of humor. It is not a secret that I lack such bravery and enterprise in the way I interpret my surroundings and deal with my everyday life. You are opening my eyes Ola every time I read through your blog, it is really that simple, no matter whether you are hosting some “unwelcome guests” or not, what matters is how you feel inside and how you see the world around you, the people you love and of course your faith that God has plans for you, a plan that you would never reject if you knew the other options, HE is most merciful and will never let you down. Keep going Ola for your sake and for our sake too…….. Allah y7meeki ya rab.
ReplyDeleteSpeechless
ReplyDeleteWhen I read you I'm speechless, I like the way you are dealing with your unwelcomed guest. Keep up good work and remember that God loves you. And he wants you to get closed even more to him.
I'm very proud that I've have the chance to know you and work with you. Be as I always know you, Strong and positive.
Nothing on earth can decrease your life one hour, whether it is cancer or flu.
ReplyDeleteOur lives have been preset and determined since day one, all the deseases have nothing to do with that.
I just feel a little bit ashame from myself.. I claim I am a sheikh, I woudln't be as much faithful and positive like you are now, Ola mashallah 3aleeki.. I have learnt a lot from you.
I've read all the moles. and I will keep reading them, looking for the good news to hear, I am waiting the day we all hear you have cured.
Hello there,
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that .. ما شاء الله عليك
و ربنا يكون معك
such a strong lovely spirit u have. Courageous too to share!
Thank you,
H.
I appreciate what you do to others... Idont have cancer but I've been thinking a lot about it because we don't like talking about it and we need to know so that we can help ourselves and others who get it, We as in Arabs we dont like to talk about bad things 3ashan ma tseer,,, this ridiculous hush hush concept :s
ReplyDeleteI will mention you in my prayers inshaAllah.. But there is one thing I want to share with you and to other patients..
Sometimes, bad things happen to us for a reason. Maybe god Chose you to have this disease because you are strong enough to talk about it, and mashaAllah you are strong, to help people know about it- and you are in this blog, and to conquer it...
"لا يكلف الله نفسا إلا وسعها"
I'm following you in this blog, please accept my friendship.. You already have all my respect and admiration