Mole (21)

Hello Ola, common in “pointing to his office” … Oh, Doctor would you mind if we meet in here “where I was waiting for my turn to catch up with my oncologist in order to finalize my treatment plan together”, let’s make it casual this time :),I said.

So we both set in front of each other’s – No disk no papers no Patient #37294 –we started to argue about my condition of this occurrence, and that having brain surgery can be an option for me but it is not the right thing to do as a first step. Besides giving the treatment the long term doubts; then it is going to be THREE different surgeries each will have its own risks and success outcomes, putting other therapies on a side.

Then **Pause**

Ola! If I only can put my hand over your brain and take the three of them off; I wouldn’t have hesitated.

Doctor! Just look at me … you are going to heal me and I will help you – Insha’Allah- you have my full trust… We are going to make it together; it is going to be hard I know… But I’m going to enjoy it as much as I can and I won’t hesitate just pray for us.

He smiled and put his hand over my shoulder and I saw happiness in his eyes then he said Insha’Allah we will :). Putting his hand over my shoulder was like he took some of my worry out of it when he did that I felt I’m in my early twenties (No challenges, No pain, No worries); I sensed how easy life was and SIMPLE. Then directly I remembered my brother’s saying: Allah b3een awwal “50” saneh sa3been, so I laughed and said to myself: Ah wallah.

Life “Allah” always put us in challenging situations this you can’t run away from ... you fight.

My passion is when I put myself in challenging situations “sometimes embarrassing ones”; the first one I put myself in after my outing from the hospital is asking the family to go out to the cinema and watch a comedian movie. They all gathered without hesitation and we watched a movie for like 2 hours. If you ask me how was it…? I Don’t know … seriously I was on high dose of drugs … I didn’t know if I should laugh on myself because I couldn’t pay attention to the wide screen… or on my fear that I may experience a seizure that I still fear of and can’t get used to… I was dizzy ... fuzzy & just wanted to sleep.

I was surrounded with my two body building cousins, on each time I was holding my hand fearing a seizure they both were saying: Shooo?! & I was replying: oh! Nothing … not a seizure! And then we miss a laugh scene :), so I laugh alone.

The funny part for me is how I could convince another 5 adults to join me to cinema and that I’m in a good shape to hang out - though I wasn’t at all - (this what kept in my mind during the 2 hours movie, & run the joy in me).

“Bulbul Hayran” Movie … cost me 8 JD tabarroo3 le wajh Ellah … But I gain a self-confidence… seriously that I can hang out and have seizures outside my comfort zone “My Home”.

And this is what is happening now – yet I hate seizures -.